A bit of frustration

Friday evening, Culinary Arts Level One Day Four, Garniture Bouquetiere - basically a bunch of cooked vegetables that is presented alongside a nice roast or other piece of beef.  Ours was to be prepared as an artichoke bowl filled with peas, surrounded by string beans, carrots and turnips cut en cocotte cooked glacer a blanc (cut in five centimeter, seven-sided shapes – our newly learned form of taillage that is my new hell- and glazed without color), pearl onions glacer a brun (glazed brown), and potatoes rissolees (blanched, sauteed, and then baked).  I thought that the final product looked pretty enough to take a photo (see below), but nothing was right.  Everything was overcooked (turnips and carrots), or undercooked (pommes rissolees), or not properly prepped (the onions still had that hard outer/inner shell, and I knew that my cocottes did not really have seven sides even though Chef said they were "beautifully shaped")… 

Garniture Bouquetiere

But let’s focus on the artichoke.

I cannot speak to the preparation of the artichoke because I didn’t have a chance to taste it and I don’t know how an artichoke should taste anyway. I was disappointed when Chef Wanda spit it out into a paper cup… but I later learned that she spit out a lot of things, so I don’t really know if it was terrible…. Honestly? I have never cooked an artichoke before so, even though I precisely followed every step Chef demonstrated, I wouldn’t be shocked if it was absolutely inedible. The interesting thing about the artichoke was that I learned something about the philosophy of my Culinary Arts course (or at least this Chef), something that may be difficult and annoying for independent, never joined a study group, me…

See, my partner and I presented our dishes at the same time (as we are supposed to). They were identical except for the artichoke. My artichoke was very short and very small, as I had removed all of the leaves and trimmed the green from the outside of the heart. It was not particularly (ok, not at all) attractive and didn’t hold very many peas... in fact when I tried to “bowl” the peas they went all over and made a huge mess of my plate. My partner’s artichoke was much taller with some leaves still present, and held many more peas.

Chef Wanda, the support chef, helped my partner with his artichoke. Given the obvious difference in artichoke preparation, I figured I had royally screwed up… even though I was paying very close attention to this part of the demonstration...

Then, the perplexing happens… Chef Veronica, the executive chef, turns to me and asks me why I (the student, no more experienced – in fact less experienced - than my partner) didn’t correct my partner’s artichoke? I was very quiet. I was not sure how to respond. I certainly was not going to tell Chef V that Chef W had prepped my partner’s artichoke. I had nothing. I still have nothing.

I am uncertain how I, a totally inexperienced student of Culinary Arts, can instruct or correct my partner…  especially in this situation?

Is there such thing as Ratatouille Soup?

Culinary Arts Level One Day Three: Product Identification. I arrived early. I was the first one there. I was as prepared as I’d ever be. I had a list of equipment and ingredients. I had done a mental check of where in the kitchen everything was and planned how I would most efficiently stock my station. Ingredients in one circle of the kitchen: bowl for produce on right front prep shelves, non-refrigerated produce on shelf above front left sink, refrigerated produce in refrigerator along left wall, onions and garlic under back right sink… one more round for my equipment and I should be set.  I was ready to take out my equipment, get my produce, and start cooking away like a pre-programmed machine!

One of Chef’s rules is “No books in class, so write your recipes on note cards.” Get your mis en place… including your mind in place. Check.  

Recipe cards for Ratatouille

Wooah hold up. I have been assigned a partner? The recipe (quantities) changed? We’re not doing this in the order I wrote down?  Why did I bother writing these recipe cards to “organize myself”? Well, Chef, you just destroyed any mental mis en place! 

Recipes: Nicoise-style vegetable ragout (Ratatouille), Roasted beet and goat cheese timbale with apple and vinaigrette. Great, but let’s throw these damn cards in the compost.

Fast forward….

Chef yells, “Seven minutes”.  This is like Top Chef or something? “Seven minutes” means SEVEN minutes to finish, plate, and present your dish to the Chef for tasting and evaluation. He might yell fifteen minutes or three minutes, but it was seven minutes. I open the pot of Ratatouille … and it looks NOTHING like Chef’s. There is way too much liquid. It has not reduced. I need fifteen minutes. I take a spoonful, blow on it to cool it down, and sip it in my mouth. My mouth is burning. I begin a dance around the kitchen. BURNING! How do I spit this out in the kitchen without being a total clown and breaking EVERY sanitation rule we just learned? I continue my dance, with an open mouth watching the steam rise. I burnt my mouth. BAD. And swallowed the semi-very-warm liquid moments later.

I finished my dance and went back to my station which looks no better with a burnt mouth.With too much liquid the ratatouille will not stay in its form (timbale or round mold). I quickly think of and suggest two options to my partner: (1) turn up the heat (2) strain it before serving. He seems indecisive and I'm the consultant so I turn up the heat and in five minutes end up straining the soup anyway.

Unsuccessful. After lifting the ring mold, liquid seeps out from below our beautiful round and takes over the beautiful white plate destroying any attempt at presentation! Every effort at making our Ratatouille look remotely appetizing has failed. We quietly present the dish to Chef.

Chef only has constructive feedback. The “flavor profile” has not developed because it did not cook long enough. I respond, “Yes Chef, but you said seven minutes. Can we cook it through dinner?” Another twenty minutes and that Ratatouille was DELICIOUS. Forget the pork Level Fours sent down for family meal. I had Ratatouille and croutons.

Leftover Ratatouille for lunch

Oh, but the Beet Salad? "Delicious!" as reviewed by Chef. GREAT success! Except for when I decided to take it home and wrapped it in foil… and got on the train only to learn that the beets had drained into my white bag, all over my white shirt. Good thing I stocked up on OxyClean.

Just a different experience… and a bit of a dedication

This morning I am very reflective… it has been one week since I enrolled in the French Culinary Institute. While I have learned (though certainly not mastered) the art of julienne and jardinière, and screwed up a ratatouille or two, I am still in a bit of disbelief….

Reflecting…

Last Monday, I attended an early morning yoga class.  Sometimes when a yoga class starts or ends the instructor will provide some meditation, or thought, to guide you in your practice or your day.  I rarely have much patience for this and prefer silence over preaching.  The instructor, Donnalynn, went on for quite some time about life and ego, and right and wrong, and I spent much of the time rolling my closed eyes. But at the very end she said something quite profound that resonated with me. Deeply.

Paraphrased: “No decision is right or wrong, it will only change your experience.”

Now set aside all of my (and your) philosophical leanings about right and wrong and good and bad… In that moment, on my mat with my eyes closed and thumb and forefinger together, I knew that in this, as it pertained to me and FCI, she was right. The decision to go to FCI is not right or wrong, it is not even good or bad. It is simply one decision that will change my life experience.

In that moment, despite all of my earlier hesitation, I decided I was going to enroll. It is only a coincidence it happened four days later.

Already, I feel my life experience changing for the better. I am smiling all the time, even when my julienne is the size of a French fry or Chef says my jardinière is too small although I measured it with a ruler. I am energized, even arriving home at midnight and beginning my day job at 9 AM. I am enjoying every moment of it… I am enjoying every experience of my life. I feel purely and totally lucky to be me. I am so thankful for everyone who is making this possible. Thank you for allowing me to share this journey with you.

Namaste (The light within me recognizes, bows, and honors the light within you)

P.S. Donnalynn wrote a blog on the topic of life experience and ego one week after I attended her class. http://etherealwellness.wordpress.com/2011/08/29/life-happens/

Downward Comparison

While this blog is intended to share my day-by-day adventures in culinary school, I will fill the space today with something besides Culinary Arts Level One Day Two… because Culinary Arts Level One Day Two focused on Sanitation and Food Safety, a rather unexciting topic. For more information, please visit: http://www.servsafe.com/foodsafety/. The ServSafe exam is the last day of Level Two, the same day as the Level Two exam and lab practical…. Wonderful.

Let’s revisit taillage, Culinary Arts Level One Day One, and my ongoing failure to cut straight tranches, or appropriate sized julienne or jardinière. I spent six hours this weekend studying and practicing taillage, or cutting uniformly for even cooking and attractive presentation. I cut several huge carrots practicing julienne and onions emincer and ciseler. By Saturday night Michael was sick of eating carrots and smelling onions. Sunday night they appeared on his dinner plate... carrots l'anglaise with swordfish and a caramelized onion, Gorgonzola, and basil pizza (my first ever real yeast pizza). My finger tips and nails turned orange.

Anyway, the truth is that I am a good study. I remember all of the names and lengths of the cuts – julienne (6-7 cm by 1-2 mm), jardinière (4-5 cm by 5 mm), etc– but producing the cuts I know to be right is something entirely different. Another hour during Day Two and things are improving, but I cannot say that it is getting easier or prettier. Chef asked “Great success, or horrible disaster?” I’d say half and half, but Chef says I don’t get to choose which julienne or jardinière to present…

On Googling “taillage” to ensure correct spelling and proper use, I find that I am not the only FCI student to have this experience (http://mykitchenstudio.wordpress.com/2010/11/05/lunch-bunch-pickled-veggies-and-bibimbap-style-rice-bowls/). It seems I am one of many. And my cut on Friday night? Nothing in comparison to the guy who sat down next to me on the 6 Train last night! A Level Four, has a kitchen job, and one nasty knife cut on his right hand… from cutting fruit. Is it awful that I felt much better after seeing him bleed all over the 6 Train and wrap his thumb in his apron? This is something that Professor Shaw, my Leadership professor at the Whitman School of Management at Syracuse University taught.... he called it “downward comparison”. When you are feeling bad about yourself, check out the guy or gal who is far worse off and you’ll feel better. I always thought it was a terrible trick.

Who knew Culinary Arts Level One Day One would bring me to “downward comparison”?

Day One.. This is going to be the most difficult ten months of my life...

At 5:15 PM I signed away the next ten months of my salary.
I took time to rub my hands over each piece of the chef uniform, to feel, smell, observe, and admire each piece of my new uniform. I stepped back and observed it in full.


 This is it. This is what I signed up for. I couldn't help but smile as I observed the emblem that was being given to me. I couldn't help but imagine that this is what policemen, firefighters, or our military feel the first time they don their uniform. I took time to change, re-tying my neckerchief and apron three or four times to make sure they were perfect. I stored my belongings and made my way to the kitchen.

At 5:45 PM Chef Philip Burgess introduced himself as our instructor (http://www.frenchculinary.com/explore/bios/ny/culinary_chefs/philip_burgess). Chef Phil encouraged us to start at zero, and to open ourselves to learning and new experiences. He instructed us to pick up on the big picture, to pay attention to detail, to use common sense, to move with purpose, to focus, and to be in the moment. All of this sounded great to me ... after all I am starting at zero, and the rest of these characteristics? These are my core strengths (as we say in the consulting world)! I am a shoe-in.
Day One activity focused on cutting vegetables using several different methods. Onions, carrots, and turnips. As Chef Phil demonstrated the cutting techniques, I realized that I need to change my stance and posture in the kitchen. As I am right handed, right leg back. No bending over. Ok, so cut two onions three different ways. Start by removing the ends of the onion (I know that there is a technical name for these and I promise that by Sunday, after reading, studying, and practicing through Irene, I will remember) with the paring knife. I cut the inner knuckle of my left pointer finger. Blood! I didn't even touch myself with the blade! Seriously, somehow I just started bleeding. These knives are sharp! Nothing like in my kitchen drawer. Now I have to wear a plastic glove over a bleeding finger. This really screws up my beautiful chef uniform ... not to mention that a plastic glove does not make it any easier to cut vegetables. "Great Success?" Chef asks. I laugh a reply, "Not really, but the onions are cut!" He suggests that I be easier on myself, and that some of them are thin. Ok, but I am still going to purchase onions and practice!

Chef's cuts, demonstrated

Carrots julienne. Turnips jardiniere. Peeling turnips sucks. Cutting straight and evenly is a learned skill which I have not learned. Especially when the carrot is not straight! These are the things don't matter at home but matter very much in a professional kitchen where everything must cook evenly and look good. I need practice. I left the kitchen with a bag of vegetables to practice and to eat in the event that Irene prevents me from a successful grocery shop.

At 10:50 PM, I left the kitchen with one realization.... This is going to be the most difficult (and fun) ten months of my life....

My first "first day" of school in years....

I was committed to sleeping until 8 AM, to starting a workable sleep schedule for my upcoming late nights in the kitchen. Michael's alarm went off at 6:45. I tossed and turned for the next few minutes, trying to calm my mind to get back to sleep, but my mind continued to race.... "FCI charged five figures to my credit card yesterday"... 7:00... "I need a Hepatitis A test, a Tuberculosis test, a lock, black non-slip shoes.... oh, and I need to stock the kitchen for Hurricane Irene." 7:15. That was it for me. I have never been able to ease myself out of bed.
Today is the first day of my Culinary Arts program at FCI. I feel like I am starting the "rest of my life"... similar to how I felt preparing for my first day of college or my first day of my masters program. The difference this time? I am following my dream. Today I embrace that the 10 month journey is the reward.

The French Culinary Institute, New York, NY

I did it!

I didn't know if this day would ever come, but it has come so quickly that I feel like I am out of breath, trying to keep up with my life!
Early this morning I woke up, cleaned the bathroom (I even used a toothbrush on the shower walls), ate some cereal, and sat down to work. After finishing a bit of work, I logged onto the French Culinary Institute (FCI) website to longingly re-read the Culinary Arts course description. Summer has been a bit crazy so I haven't checked back with the FCI in a while, but as usual I moved on from the course descriptions to skim other informational materials including start dates and prices.
Since April when I moved to New York City, I imagined it would be great to start culinary school in September... though I don't really know that I ever actually decided to start, if that makes sense. Making these significant choices is as hard for me as for anyone.
Start dates? August 26. October 14. Nothing in September.
What to do? Start tomorrow!