10% Reflection

"Happiness, then, is something final and self-sufficient, and is the end of action." - Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics. 

In other words: The purpose of all human activity is to procure (or find) happiness. Happiness is the end.

I have completed one full month of culinary school. I am 10% through. It is pretty unbelievable. I have truly internalized that this journey is the reward. But I am already dreading the day it is over.

Sometimes in life things just fall into place... I am more likely to believe that sometimes you have to make them. You have to work for what you want. I couldn’t have known one month ago that my life would be what it is today, by making one decision to finally follow my dream and attend culinary school. My decision to finally sign on the dotted line, to sign away ten months of my salary, was so much more than signing up for culinary school, and giving up shopping, manicures, and “freedom” (it was just a different type). I finally made a decision to live a life and do something that I choose. To live my life for myself, by my philosophy…. With my sanction as the only sanction needed. In this, I no longer sought unneeded permission from others. In this, I knew what was right. I didn’t need to (nor did I) seek a type of positive reinforcement from others, to tell me “you are doing the right thing”. I actually started school before I had the opportunity to tell Mom or Dad. I called them. They were on vacation. I started school.

One of the only questions I asked was, “Can I live with you rent-free so I can pay my tuition?” Without  a second thought, he responded “Yes.” That sealed the deal. I signed on the dotted line 24 hours later.

While that was the only question I actually asked him, I should have also asked “Can you make your own dinner Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings?”, "Can you do your own grocery shopping if I don't get to it?", "Can you go to sleep before I get home, and go to work before I get up?”, “Is it OK if we sometimes don’t see eachother for days at a time?”, “Is it OK if we watch trash tv instead of going out for dinner?”…. that list continues, and I am sure you can imagine what else it includes.

Life has changed, a lot in this month. I am busier than I have been in years, maybe even busier than I was when I was taking 32 credits in the final semester of my senior year of college. But I am happier than ever. The decision to attend culinary school has transformed my hours, my days, and my life.

I am excited. I get to try and learn new things daily. I am learning things that I care about, that I value. Things that I want to know. Who cares about the structure of XYZ molecule? Someone, some chemist, or some medical student, or some physician…. Finally, once a Chemistry major at my parents suggestion, I can honestly say “NOT ME!”… not unless it has to do with Maillard Reactions and the browning of food and development of flavor... or whipping cream.

I finally made a (good) decision for me. I am working more and harder than I have in a long time. Maybe I should be overwhelmed and/or exhausted. Sometimes I think I should be. Sometimes I think I am. But I am not. Maybe I will get there… But if and when I do, remind me of these glorious days… the days where I love what I do…. where I love my life. I know the luck I have found.

I want to preserve this time like lemons or duck confit… I want to bottle it up and keep it for when I might need it.